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Top 10 Signs You Bought A Bad Christmas Tree

  1. Two feet tall, forty feet wide
  2. Salesman's opening line: "You're not a cop, are you?"
  3. It looks suspiciously like a broom handle with a lot of coat hangers stuck into it
  4. While you sleep, it gets liquored up and takes the family caravan for a joy ride
  5. Each branch has "Duraflame" printed on it
  6. Keeps heckling while you try to do a lame top ten list
  7. It's very small and says "Air Freshener" on it
  8. Rabbis have better Christmas trees than yours
  9. Some guy named Mujibur puts a cheap Statue of Liberty on top of it
  10. Constantly bragging about its "trunk size"
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