Top 10 Signs You Bought A Bad Christmas Tree

Two feet tall, forty feet wide
Salesman's opening line: "You're not a cop, are you?"
It looks suspiciously like a broom handle with a lot of coat hangers stuck into it
While you sleep, it gets liquored up and takes the family caravan for a joy ride
Each branch has "Duraflame" printed on it
Keeps heckling while you try to do a lame top ten list
It's very small and says "Air Freshener" on it
Rabbis have better Christmas trees than yours
Some guy named Mujibur puts a cheap Statue of Liberty on top of it
Constantly bragging about its "trunk size"